everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
