Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
