Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
