I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
