i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
