So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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