the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
