Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
