I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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