Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
