guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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