Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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