you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
