imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
