I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
