Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
