I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
