I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize