So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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