My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
4 words: hood of his car
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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