broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
