you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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