you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
