I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
