Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
