Your face is a jimmy john
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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