is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
