I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
