used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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