If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
