i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
porn star boner night. come get it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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