he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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