I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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