i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize