that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
