doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
