He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
