Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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