His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
