Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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