just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
