I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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