I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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