kristin has been a bad kristin
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
A+ Viking dick
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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