We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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