I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
