she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
