i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
