I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
