Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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