I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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