I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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