Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
