so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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