Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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