Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Your tits are I can't wait for
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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