and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
