Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
