Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
