Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
