She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
