Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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