I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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