We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
