I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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