I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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