everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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