I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
