I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
