he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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