Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
