community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
