if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
