im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
