My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
