Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize