i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
