The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
